Hello, my most lovely friend.
Today I open up before you with a decidedly sensitive subject. It’s taken a lot for me to get up the nerve to share this publicly, but I want to be real, raw, and relatable to my readers, so I’m willing to do something scary for the sake of my blog friends.
I’d like to introduce you to a little— companion (I wouldn’t go so far as to say “friend”) of mine named anxiety. Anxiety can be simply a feeling of worry/unease/nervousness, but it is also an actual health issue. As you may guess, one with anxiety often suffers those aforementioned symptoms. I am one of a small percentage of the population “lucky” enough to be burdened daily by this nervous disorder which encompasses excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks. Often anxiety leads to/grows into/accompanies depression, which I’ve been “lucky” enough to come by as well.
I’ll never forget the day that I said to a coworker who was trying to get my goat: “you’re giving me anxiety!” and he replied with, “what’s that?“
I was blown away.
He honestly didn’t know what anxiety was, and I struggled to explain to him how it feels to be anxious.
I’ve struggled with anxiety for years, and it’s ranged from entirely moderate to actual depression. It began when I was little; I couldn’t fall asleep because I’d toss and turn, worrying about things I normally wouldn’t think about. My overthinking and worrying still comes to me now, but not as often. I went on medication for that (it was basically a sleeping pill to make me drowsy at bedtime), and years later would be diagnosed with mild depression and given a selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor (my “happy pills” as I called them). After my life situation (and therefore mental state) improved, I no longer found myself feeling the need to take it; therefore, I simply stopped.
It’s hard to admit that you need help.
This is only human. I cried –bawled– when my husband (well, he was just a close friend at the time) told me he didn’t want to be my friend anymore if I wouldn’t go to the doctor, because he couldn’t stand seeing me in the state I’d gotten to, and he needed to see me get better.
He said, “the Chara I knew before… isn’t the one I am talking to now.”
And honestly, I wasn’t. I was angry. I was depressed. I was confused. I was frustrated. I lost touch with my friends and family, often closing myself up in my room and wallowing in my muddy thoughts. The times I did hang out with my friends, I didn’t enjoy myself – despite the fact that I was surrounded by the most amazing, awesome, and supportive people. I didn’t know what was going on, and when I considered medication, I hated the thought of being “dependent” on a pill to be happy. But I bucked up and went to the doctor. I took the pills. I improved. I thanked my *future husband* later, because that was the one thing that finally forced me to take action: I couldn’t stand the thought of losing my best friend.
I know this all seems pretty personal, but if I can reach somebody by sharing my background on this, I’ll be happy to share. Even writing this, I get a lump in my throat remembering my struggle and the tough-love attitude of my husband trying to get his happy friend back. Not that I’m looking for pity or attention; I don’t want to make anyone feel sorry for me. This is just part of the process of you getting to know me better.
Anyway…
I like to think that I’ve naturally gotten my anxiety under control at this time in my life.
BUT CHARA, HOW??
First, I want to say: I am not a doctor. If you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or any other issues, it’s 100% up to you whether you do these things or not. For a professional opinion or advice, please consult with an expert who knows what they’re talking about. I’m basing this solely off of my personal experience, and I probably legally can’t promise or recommend the same to anybody.
So now that I’ve gotten the formalities out of the way, here are some ways I’ve helped my anxiety. I’ll just throw them all in one big list.
WORKING OUT
*More details below*
ESSENTIAL OILS
*I love to diffuse some peppermint, lavender, and eucalyptus in our bedroom. Often I start it when I’m picking out my outfit for the next day, putting clothes away, or picking up our room. I now associate that blend with peace, calm, and a clear head. At work, I keep a headache roller for if I begin to feel tense, and a eucalyptus spearmint lotion that I rub on my hands throughout the day for a fresh pick-me-up.*
EARLY BEDTIME
*This one is pretty self-explanatory, but if I enforce a strict bedtime with myself (I feel like such an elementary child! Ha!), I’m much less likely to be stressing out about how I’m not going to get enough sleep. I now try to get into bed by 9:00, and sleep before 10:00 (unless I’m working later than that, in which case I simply aim to get 8 hours of sleep, setting my alarm appropriately)*
NO PHONE AT NIGHT
*We hear this all the time, but man, what a hard habit to break! For me it’s so easy to scroll through my Pinterest feed or catch up with my family as I’m trying to fall asleep. I’m not saying I never go on my phone before I sleep (I do often go on Marco Polo to chat with my mom and sisters before bed), but I do prefer to stay off of it once I’ve climbed into bed. If I just turn on my sound machine app and close my eyes, I fall asleep probably within 5 minutes rather than 30.*
NO CAFFEINE AFTER SUPPER
*I always had the “caffeine doesn’t really affect me” attitude but… heh heh. It does. With an increase in my anxiety, I noticed on nights that I drank coffee in the evening, I absolutely could not fall asleep and my anxiety shot up. Now I save those drinks for the morning and sip water before bed.*
NOT BRINGING WORK HOME
*More about this below also!*
BEING PREPARED/EARLY
*Being late severely activates every part of my brain that deals with stress and anxiety. Whether I’m late for work, church, bed, or dinner at a friend’s, I can’t shake the feeling of unease until I’ve arrived; even then, it puts a damper on my mood for the rest of the day. I’m not naturally an early person— and I have to work so hard for it— but to me it’s completely worth it to sacrifice 15 minutes of “extra” time in the morning so that I’m early to work. If I arrive on time with a few minutes to think and prepare my brain, my entire day runs smoother. In addition, I love when I feel prepared for things, so I’ve had to train my [naturally unorganized] mind to be super organized. How? I can’t emphasize enough how much I depend on my bullet journal/planner, hundreds of to-do lists, an hour of meal prep, and finding an outfit the night before.*
TELLING MYSELF IT DOESN’T MATTER
*As a lot of anxiety stems from worrying about things that don’t need to be worried about, this one is probably one of the most difficult habits I’ve had to form. I use this when my brain begins to flash red warning signs and my heart begins to beat as I overanalyze somebody’s voice tone from 3 days ago. There was a time that I stressed about a petty problem for about 3 days straight and I was absolutely sick of it ruining my mood. I finally told myself “CHARA… IT DOESN’T MATTER. IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL. THIS IS LITERALLY NOTHING.” It actually helped!!! So I began doing it other times when small issues ballooned in my head, and it’s been working out really well so far.*
I think the biggest factor in naturally decreasing my anxiety has been physical exercise. As we have all heard, there’s undoubtedly a relationship between activity level/diet and mental health. I have firsthand experienced this and can most definitely vouch for it. Just thinking of the rush of endorphins I feel during and after an exhausting workout proves it: when I’m more active, I’m happier. In the past, I’ve done a bit of experimenting with my exercise vs. anxiety and it’s been interesting to see the astronomical effects here. I’ve actually found a way to CURE my anxiety.
Now I’m no doctor but allow me to present the results.
If I get lazy— in other words, I go a week or so without being very active and without eating nutritious, health-promoting foods— I may as well be the troll in the Billy Goats Gruff. I feel as if I’ve gained 10 pounds even though the scale says I’m the same. I can’t wake up in the morning, and I’m extremely groggy. I have no desire to go to work; the days drag on, and I have trouble being cheerful toward the people around me. And then, at night time, when I’ve finally got my tired butt to bed, I CAN’T SLEEP.
I toss. I turn. I flip my pillow. I turn on my sound machine. I stay off of my phone. Still, my mind goes a million miles per hour as my husband snores next to me.
Why?
It’s because I’ve been lazy. If I don’t take care of my body, my anxiety kicks in. Suddenly I begin to get anxious about little things at home and work and just like before, I’m suddenly worrying about NOTHING every night.
On top of that, I have no energy, so I talk myself out of doing anything active (funny how that works!), but all it takes is one little push and I can be back on the train. Or one giant push. I guess I can’t pretend that it’s easy.
After one workout, I insanely improve. THAT NIGHT I’ll have no trouble falling asleep. And the euphoria I get when I’m done exercising is mind-blowing. Confession: if I have a hard day at work, here’s what drags me through it: “In just X more hours I’ll be able to sweat it all out…” Let me explain. There was a particularly stressful time period during which I returned home from work in the worst of moods, and my poor husband had to deal with my griping all evening. I realized that having a good workout right after work allowed me to let go of that, and almost immediately I was able to stop bringing work home; thus, I’d show up in a good mood and I didn’t have to unfairly bring my husband down every night.
Now, don’t get me wrong; I’m not “in shape.” I’m not SKINNY. I’m not an athlete. I’m not even good at working out. That being said, I LOVE working out. I’ve finally found something that allows me to maintain a stable and healthy mental state. I’ve finally cured my anxiety without having to spend money on medicine and remember to take it (I’m pretty bad about that memory stuff)…
Basically, I have realized that I can literally run from my problems.
And I couldn’t be happier 🙂
In a list, here are some of the major changes I find when I work out regularly and eat well.
DECREASES:
Anxiety
Moodiness
Arguing with my husband
Cravings
Sleeplessness
Weight
Taking a bad work day home
Bloat/water weight
INCREASES:
Energy
Happiness
Positive attitude
The desire to continue to exercise and eat well
Sleep quality
Sleep time
Falling asleep quickly
Confidence
Hygiene (yes, really! Ha! Do you ever notice your sweat smells differently when you eat junk? Or am I just really weird? Hmm…)
I want to close with a little advice on this subject. If you suffer from any mental issues (not just anxiety or depression), I can guarantee you this: 1) you are NOT the only one and 2) there is actually a HUGE chance that someone else you know suffers as well, and it’s likely someone you never would have expected. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. This will not make you weak or any less of a person. I know that if it weren’t for the help of my loving family and friends, I could never have pulled out of the hole I was sinking into. I am forever grateful for my little support circle, and I will always remember those ones who talked with me, cried with me, and stuck with me.
Thanks so much for reading! Until next time,
Just Me 
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